Love Hurts (2025) - Film Review

      Love Hurts, 2025.

      Directed by Jonathan Eusebio.

      Featuring Ke Huy Quan, Ariana DeBose, Mustafa Shakir, Lio Tipton, Daniel Wu, Cam Gigandet, Marshawn Lynch, André Eriksen, Rhys Darby, Sean Astin, Drew Scott, Stephanie Sy, Adam Hurtig, Liam Stewart-Kanigan, Yoko Hamamura, and Rawleigh Clements-Willis.

      SYNOPSIS:

      A realtor finds himself drawn back into his former life when his old partner-in-crime resurfaces with a troubling message. With his crime-lord brother also pursuing him, he must face his past and the history he never fully left behind. Directed by stunt coordinator turned filmmaker Jonathan Eusebio, the Valentine’s Day romantic comedy action film Love Hurts stars Academy Award winner Ke Huy Quan as Marvin Gable, a killer who has become a domestic realtor (as one character puts it, he transitioned from burying bodies to helping people find their dream homes). The film also includes a formidable poet assassin known as The Raven (portrayed by Mustafa Shakir), who, while clad in a large black coat, recites flowery verses before engaging in combat. When faced with a challenge during a fight, The Raven cleverly attaches blades to his forearms, swinging wildly as if he had stepped out of a Mortal Kombat game.

      One of the film's characters is a semi-inspired creation, while another embodies the cliché of “we need to stop this oversaturated subgenre,” continuing the trend of recent films about former criminals striving to lead new, morally improved lives that contribute to society. Regrettably, Love Hurts frustratingly focuses more on the latter…

      That said, it would be overly generous to claim that the problems end there. Though the Valentine’s Day theme might seem like a novel angle, Jonathan Eusebio, working from a thin script by Luke Passmore, Josh Stoddard, and Matthew Murray, fails to effectively utilize it. The film opens with Ke Huy Quan narrating the holiday's special nature and endless romantic possibilities, a sentiment that is echoed at the film's conclusion, yet it feels like a desperate attempt to convince viewers that this is a fresh take on an irritating subgenre that has exhausted its potential.

      Remarkably, the Valentine’s Day aspect feels more like an afterthought. The central plot involves Marvin being drawn back into the criminal world once his mobster brother Knuckles (Daniel Wu) discovers that Marvin, before abandoning that lifestyle, never killed Rose (played by Ariana DeBose), who had allegedly stolen millions. Deeply in love with her (for reasons that are never explained) but believing “she could never love a guy like him,” Marvin set her free years ago, and they've not spoken since. Now, she’s sending Marvin and his associates cryptic Valentine’s cards, intended to pull everyone back into the fray as part of a revenge plot. Much of this is unclear, but more significantly, it's standard contrived mob storytelling; aside from the letters, the narrative could fit any time of the year.

      The sole moments in which Love Hurts effectively resonates, aside from its competent fight choreography and stylistic camerawork that displays character interactions and the chaos from unexpected angles, such as inside a refrigerator, occur when The Raven is featured. After a failed attempt to assassinate Marvin, he awakens surrounded by a dissatisfied employee named Ashley (Lio Tipton), who connects with his poetry and begins to develop feelings for him. Flashbacks of their bond forming after Marvin’s brush with death provide comedic relief and serve as the only recurring joke that ties into the premise. There are other henchmen roles, including one portrayed by the usually comedic Marshawn Lynch, who here largely plays a loud character without much depth. Another henchman, facing marital issues, seeks ways to reconcile with his wife, a subplot that feels generic rather than specific to Valentine’s Day.

      Confusingly, there’s also a lack of action in Love Hurts. When action occurs, the sequences are often dragged out, making significant characters feel more like plot mechanisms than individuals with weight or danger. Deaths appear only for inconsequential characters, serving as a harsh punchline that feels cruel and at odds with the film's otherwise feel-good intent. Whether Marvin wins Rose's heart is another dynamic devoid of any real investment. While it’s commendable to see Ke Huy Quan take on a lead role allowing him to showcase his combat skills, this misstep doesn’t deserve the participation of one Oscar winner, let alone two. The film seems to believe that a decent premise alone is sufficient to stand out, neglecting meaningful story and action development. Ultimately, it’s disappointing that everyone involved deserves better material.

      Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ ★ / Movie: ★ ★

      Robert Kojder is part of the Chicago Film Critics Association and